Stars
by Lucius McLean
Summary: Valentines day 2001, Carter have to go through all his memories


Summary: Just a little story about Valentines Day 2001.  
Disclaimer: Not mine, they belong to WB, NBC++  
Archive: Ask me  
  
**STARS**  
  
Carter walked into the hospital, now it was exactly one year since the butcher knife had entered his body, turning upside down on his life, and ending Lucy's. So much had happened during the last year, Lucy had died, he had started with drugs, been in rehab and he had relapsed. He walked in a completely other world and crashed right into Dave Malucci  
"Hey watch it!" Malucci said before he saw who it was.  
"Sorry Dave" Carter said low, picking up the charts Dave had lost.  
"Carter are you okay?" He looked up on his friend, worried  
"Yeah, I'm great" He smiled a little and walked into the lounge, a vase of red roses was on the table, and a card was tied to one of the roses, it was red and shaped like a heart. Just like Lucy's.  
He tried to swallow the wanting to cry, and walked over to his locker, at the same moment a song started playing on the radio  
  
I wish I could turn back time  
I wish I never had to see that look in your eyes,  
You really broke this heart of mine  
Now it's time to realise it's forever goodbye,  
So here I am, all alone, don't understand,  
  
He listened to every word in the song, and it was like all his feeling was being sung in it  
  
I can't stop crying, can't  
Knowing you never will be back again.  
  
And it cut's like a knife  
I'm going insane,  
Wishing you would show me love,  
Once again  
I'm losing my mind  
But I have to carry on  
We were meant to be together  
Forever as more  
  
So this is where the story end  
Gonna' take some time drying the tears in my eyes  
  
The song was described everything he felt, there was only one thing that was wrong, he didn't have to carry on. The best thing would probably if he dropped dead during the day, that way he couldn't hurt anyone. Kerry Weaver came inside, looking desperate for coffee.  
"Hello Carter"  
"Mornin' "   
"You okay?" She looked at him questioning  
"Yeah, I'm just tired"  
"If you need to talk, just come find me, I mean it's must be hard for you today"  
"A little, I better start seeing some patients" He smiled and walked outside. The day went by as in a nightmare, everyone was walking on eggshells around him, asking how he was and every little thing reminded him of a year ago.  
They had only three traumas that day, one of them died. He walked up on the roof at 12, he needed some fresh air. The night was clear, and he could see thousands of small stars lightning up the dark. He remembered something his grandmother had said, every time a star fell down, someone died.   
It was sweet to think of, but he doubted that a star would fall for him, he wasn't worth it.  
"John?" A woman voice said. He turned and saw Abby walking towards him  
"Hey"  
"Are you okay?"   
"Yeah, I just wanted to think a little"  
"It's awfully cold out here"  
"Look at how beautiful the stars are"  
"What?"  
"Look at the stars, they are beautiful don't you think?"  
"Yeah I guess" She tried to figure out what he was talking about  
"Do you think stars fall down when someone dies?"  
"I don't know"  
"If it's true it will always be a star to little" He took his eyes away from the sky and looked at Abby instead. He wished he could tell her how he felt about her, but no, he couldn't make her life more complicated. He loved her to much, but every time she talked about Luka, it was like he was stabbed in the heart.   
"Are you okay?"  
"Hm…yeah I'm fine"  
"So what do you mean about it?"  
"About what?" Carter asked confused, realising that he had been in his own world.  
"About me and Luka's situation" There it was, the stabbing, it was almost unbearable.  
"I don't know" *The only thing I know is that I love you* He looked down at all the cars beneath. They looked like small ants, driving fast around.   
"Are you tired?" Abby suddenly asked.  
"Yeah, why?"  
"You haven't heard a single word of what I said?"  
"Sorry Abby, I guess this day is a little hard for me"  
"No need to appologize." She said smiling. Carter looked down at the cars again and he felt like just jump out, falling a long time before hitting pavement. But no, he had come to far just to give up now. He smiled he couldn't let go of a very macabre thought of someone washing John Carter parts off the ground and the surrounding walls.  
"What are you smiling of?" Abby asked looking curiously at him.  
"Nothing, I better get going down again, I have been up here a while."  
"Kerry probably want's you to take it easy today"  
"Yeah I guess you're right" He turned again and saw once again down at the cars. "It is weird that it have been a year already since we were up here last time"  
"Yeah, I know. Much have happened, to you, to all of us" Abby said.  
She took his hand in hers and comforted him.   
"You pulled it through Carter, you survived."  
"Yeah I did" He looked at her, smilied and repeated "I did"  



End file.
